


The Ghost of You

by ifwehadamonkey



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Less Than 5k Exchange, Post-Finale, ehhh idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifwehadamonkey/pseuds/ifwehadamonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma finds her way back out of the monolith, only to realize Fitz has been hallucinating her in her absence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [widowshulk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/widowshulk/gifts).



> hi :) this is my less thank 5k gift for widowshulk on tumblr. hope you like it! her prompt was 'Jemma finds out that Fitz was talking to a ghost version of herself'

Entering the monolith had been quick, like taking a deep breath. Leaving the monolith felt like it took eons. The Kree had warned her it would be this way, a feeling of every molecule in your body coming apart, and then slowly coming together again. She felt as insubstantial as mist, and for a frighteningly long moment, she feared she would stay that way. A part of their warning also involved intergalactic space travel and the concept of time. To Jemma, it had been a week since involuntarily traveling through space and time, but to everyone on base, to Fitz; it could have been days or weeks. Jemma prayed for the former, anxious at the thought of how Fitz had reacted to her disappearance.

Sounds reached her now, the whirring and beeping of machines and the sighing of air pushing through vents. A lab had taken the place of the storeroom, but all was dark now, so it must be late night or early morning.

Jemma took a deep breath and realized she was solid once more. Her knees threatened to buckle and she stumbled forward to brace her hands on a desk, looking down over a computer monitor and seeing…him.

Fitz lay slumped over the desk; papers and charts of some kind scattered over the surface and crinkled under his cheek. Even in sleep, the fingers of his left hand twitched restlessly. Jemma couldn’t contain the wide smile on her face, nor the tears that sprang to her eyes. She had been through so many moments of fear and doubt, wondering if she would ever see him again, and here he was, just as she had found him dozens of times over the years.

Jemma walked around the desk and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, saying softly, so as not to startle him, “Fitz. Fitz, wake up.”

Fitz blinked bleary blue eyes open, mumbling, “Time is it?”

Jemma let out a shaky laugh, “I…I don’t know.”

Fitz lifted his head, barely glancing her way, already going back to the papers in front of him.

“I think I’m close, or closer than I have been. I, um, I need to check the math against the new data. Oh, and a couple more blood samples from Lincoln were dropped off earlier, so we’re almost ready to test the monolith’s reaction. Probably send in Bashful for that.”

Jemma could only stare, “Fitz?”

Fitz swung towards her in his chair, leaning back and running a weary hand down his face.

“Yes, Jemma, I know Sleepy is the better choice, but I don’t want to send him in until I’ve run more tests.”

What was happening? Had something gone wrong with the molecular transfer?

“Fitz, can you see me? Hear me?”

“Of course I can, as you well know. It’s not like we haven’t gone through this before. Everyone thinks I’ve gone mad, no thanks to you, wandering around talking to myself all the time, or so they think.”

Jemma looked at Fitz, puzzle pieces falling into place, and a growing pain in her heart.

She reached down, gently cupping his face in her hands. Fitz jerked back in surprise, slowly easing out of his chair to stand before her.

“Look at me, Fitz, it’s me. Jemma. I’m back and I need you to really look at me. I need you to see me. Please.”

Her last word broke on a sob and she thought she’d break if Fitz didn’t do something, _say_ something.

“Jemma? Is that really you?”

The pain in her heart sharpened at the memory of the last time he’d asked her that question; what a fool she had been not to realize, not to have asked more questions.

“Yes, who else would it be?”

Fitz pulled Jemma into his arms, murmuring her name over and over. Jemma locked her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder, feeling real, whole, and _home_. As her sobs lessened, she could feel his hand running gently over her hair and his lips pressing softly on her temple.

She sighed, completely exhausted. She just wanted to sleep in her own bed, and she wanted Fitz. Everything, and everyone, else could wait.

Fitz abruptly pulled back and tugged her towards his now vacant chair, “Here, sit down. You should definitely sit down. Maybe some water. Are you thirsty? Hungry? Of course you are. Sit tight and I’ll just…I’ll put the kettle on. Of course, protocol says you should be under quarantine right now, but we’ll get to that.”

Jemma sat down, grateful because she didn’t know how much longer she could’ve stood there, and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fitz, slow down. I’ll admit I’m tired, but otherwise I’m perfectly all right, I assure you. As for the quarantine, could we just…not alert the team that I’m back, yet? They’re going to have so many questions, just as I’m sure you have questions, and I’ll answer them as best I can, just not right now. I don’t even know what day it is or what time. How long was I gone?”

Fitz knelt in front of her, sitting back on his heels. He took one of her hands, and then the other, just holding them in his and rubbing his thumbs across her knuckles, before kissing each in turn. Jemma’s breath caught in her throat as Fitz looked up at her, his eyes impossibly blue, even in these low lights. A small, sad smile played around his mouth.

“Three months. You’ve been gone for three months.”

* * *

 

 

_One month earlier_

The first thing Mack noticed when he entered the storeroom was the untouched tray of food. In the two months since Jemma’s disappearance Fitz had barely eaten or spoken with anyone. He spent so much time in his make-shift lab they’d rolled in a cot on the off chance he would actually get some sleep. Yet despite Fitz’s negligence, he was more alert and focused than Mack had ever seen him.

His initial lapse two months ago, the stuttering, the talking to himself, the outbursts of temper, had all but disappeared, and if Mack still caught him staring into space sometimes and speaking softly to himself, well, he figured that was the least of his problems. Jemma, brilliant, beautiful, and the love of Fitz’s life, had been swallowed up in the alien monolith and none of the science and technology at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s disposal had been able to get her back.

Mack laid a file folder on the desk where Fitz sat working. In it was the latest intel on a Hydra weapon confiscated during a raid a week ago. Mack knew the techs in the lab could probably reverse engineer the components, but he thought it would do him good to focus on something else for a while, just to give his mind a rest.

“What’s that?”

“Intel. I need to you to take a look, see if you can reverse engineer our latest Hydra weapon.”

“Can’t, Mack. I’m busy.”

“Fitz, man. It’s time you came up for air. Take a step back from all this.”

Fitz turned slowly in his chair. He turned his eyes up to Mack’s, and the look he gave him was still and cold.

“Take a step back?”

Mack rubbed the back of his neck and eased down to sit on the edge of the desk.

“Listen, Turbo, no one is saying you should stop. You’re doing your best, and believe me, man, we all know that. We know that, but it’s been two months and maybe it’s time to put it away for a little while. S.H.I.E.L.D. needs you. Maybe taking that step back will help you see something you might have missed before.”

Fitz’ eyes went from cold to coldly furious.

“You want me to give up. You want me to give up and pack away my files, my work. Put it in neatly labeled cardboard boxes and reverse engineer some weapons for S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Listen, Fitz-“

“No.”

Fitz pushed himself out of his chair, sending it spinning across the floor behind him. He walked to the protective case surrounding the monolith and placed his hand on the glass, fingers splayed and pressing.

“No, Mack. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t need me.”

Fitz turned and pinned Mack with a fulminating glare, his blue eyes brilliant with unshed tears.

“Jemma needs me. She’s the only one. She’s lost and it’s my job to find her.”

Mack sighed and shook his head, “Fitz. None of this is your fault. It was an accident.”

“Last time I reviewed the surveillance tape, it was my hand that helped open the door.”

“And you know as well as the rest of us that it should’ve taken thousands of pounds of force to open that door.”

“But it didn’t. It didn’t and now Jemma is gone. You don’t understand, Mack.”

“What don’t I understand?”

Fitz stalked back to his chair and sat down, pulling himself up to his desk.

“I’ve got work.”

“Talk to me, Turbo.”

Fitz pulled one of the many star charts littering his desk towards him and began studying it in earnest, willing Mack to just drop it and let him work in peace.

Mack stood up and picked up the file he’d dropped on the desk earlier.

“I don’t care who you talk to, man, but you need to talk to someone.”

Fitz listened as Mack’s footsteps retreated down the hallway.

“I don’t see why you won’t talk to him. He’s only trying to help.”

Fitz stiffened in his chair and glanced to his left, where Jemma wandered aimlessly around the lab. As opposed to the last time, this version of Jemma his subconscious had produced looked exactly as she had the last time he’d seen her, in this room.

“You talk to him then.”

“Don’t be cross. He’s your friend, and friends are in short supply these days at S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“I have more than two friends, you know.”

“Yes, but you’re not exactly making them feel welcome.”

Fitz got up and walked back over to the monolith, which had frustratingly remained dark, solid, and unresponsive these last two months.

“I should have figured this out by now. There’s something I’m overlooking.”

“You’re getting close. Every step, every new piece of information is important. You’ll get there.”

Jemma stood beside him, staring inside the glass case. Part of him wished she would just leave and let him figure this out on his own. It was getting harder and harder to turn his head and see her in the room with him, but unable to touch her or feel her warmth. Much harder, this time, because this time she wasn’t in England, or even infiltrating Hydra. She was just gone.

He knew if she left, even this part of her his desperate mind was projecting, he’d break. Their time apart over the past year had taught him something: He could function without her. He could, but he didn’t want to. They were a team, partners, best friends…and possibly more than that.

He walked back to his desk and sat, catching her movement out of the corner of his eye, like a ghost.

He got back to work. He would find her. He wouldn’t stop trying until he did.

* * *

 

“Three months?!”

Fitz just nodded, looking down again at their clasped hands.

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, everyone must be frantic. Fitz, I’m so sorry.”

Fitz let go of her hands and stood up.

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t apologize. What happened wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for every bad thing that happens around here.”

Jemma was too shocked to do more than sit there. Three months and Fitz still hadn’t given up trying to find her.

“I’ve been gone a week, on my side. Today would be day seven actually. I thought…well, I never imagined the time difference would be so extreme, and it was my responsibility. I’m the head of the science division, and I was the lead researcher on the monolith. I should have been more careful.”

Fitz couldn’t look at her as he confessed, “I opened the door. To the monolith. After I…asked you to dinner, when I leaned on the case, it opened a crack. Enough for the rock to push through and—“

“Oh, Fitz. That’s nonsense. Unless you turned into the Hulk, there’s no way you could have physically opened that case. It has a biometric lock calculated to my DNA.”

Fitz turned to look at her.

“I watched the tape, Jemma. I watched it a hundred times. I don’t know how, but I leaned on it, and it opened.”

“See? I must have accidentally opened it earlier. What other explanation is there?”

“I don’t know, Jemma. I don’t know.”

Jemma closed her eyes, weary down to her bones.

“Do you want to lie down? I have a cot over there.”

Jemma stood and took his hand, “Only if you lie with me.”

Fitz laced his fingers with hers and led her over to the simple cot set up in the darkest part of the room, it’s only claim to privacy a wall of supply boxes stacked to form a partial wall. They each toed off their shoes and lay down, her back to his front. Jemma could feel his breath on the back of her neck and inched backwards until they were touching. She reached back and took his hand, pulling his arm around her waist, interlocking their fingers. Fitz tightened his arm and tucked his knees behind hers.

They lay just like that for a few long, silent minutes, each with eyes wide open, feeling the warmth and the drawing of breath between them.

Jemma broke the silence, tightening her fingers on his before asking, “When I came back, you were talking to someone. It was like you were talking to me, you said my name, but you weren’t talking to me here and now, were you?”

Fitz was silent for so long she thought he wasn’t going to answer.

“I was talking to a version of you.”

“Tell me.” 

Fitz sighed, stirring the hair at her nape. 

“It started about a month after you left. The first time you left, when you went to Hydra. I had a much harder time speaking then. No one knew how to talk to me, and I didn’t know how to talk to them. So I talked to you, although technically it was all me, all along. My subconscious mind, I suppose. In a way, it helped me get better. After a while though, I just…I stopped. I didn’t want that Jemma. I wanted you.” 

Jemma closed her eyes, feeling tears forming behind her lids and willing them not to fall. 

“Fitz. When I left, before, I was trying to help. I didn’t give up on you. In retrospect, I gave up on myself. I tried everything I knew how to do, and you kept looking at me, expecting me to understand, to take one of your words, and make a sentence out of it, and I couldn’t. You would get so frustrated, and every time you turned to me and I didn’t have the answer, I felt like I’d failed you.” 

Jemma paused to take a deep breath, feeling the tears she’d tried to hold back, spilling onto her cheeks. 

“I never meant to hurt you. You’re the most important person in my life and I just wanted you to get better. I know it’s crazy, I know, but I just thought, if only I had kicked a little harder, swam a little faster, then maybe your injuries wouldn’t have been as severe. Watching you struggle every day…it was so hard. My PhD’s didn’t matter then, none of our training at The Academy helped, I wasn’t prepared for this.” 

Jemma turned then to face Fitz. His eyes were open and clear, but his mouth was set in a grim line. 

“I’m sorry, Fitz, for everything.” 

“You’ve been carrying this around a long time, haven’t you?” 

Jemma just nodded, afraid if she tried to speak again, she’d start crying. 

Fitz lifted his hand and brushed at her tears with his thumb. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, nothing to forgive. I never blamed you, not for a second. If I could have, I’d have thanked you after I woke up from the coma. I didn’t want to die down there, but if it meant you would live, well, I was willing to. Maybe I was angry when you went away, but that was because I was hurt because my best friend left me alone, when I didn’t want to be. None of that matters now. I am better. I’m different, but I’m still me, and you’re still my best friend.” 

Jemma smiled tremulously, “Only your best friend?” 

Fitz blushed, but managed to say, “You’re more than that.” 

Jemma leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, her eyes closing at the sweetness of it all. 

They broke apart and just smiled at one another. This was exactly right and right where they were supposed to be. 

Fitz lay back and Jemma curled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his arm around her shoulder and his heartbeat beneath her cheek and was asleep as soon as her eyes closed. 

* * *

 

That’s how May found them a couple of hours later, clinging to each other even in sleep. 

She let out a silent sigh of relief and backed away, noting as she did so that the door to the monolith’s case was open. She turned towards it and approached it head on. The alien artifact remained solid and still as she slowly grabbed the door and swung it closed, listening to the multiple locks click into place. 

She left the lab, quietly shutting the door behind her, smiling softly as she prepared to let the team know the lab was off limits for a couple more hours.

**Author's Note:**

> special shout out to my dog for listening to me read this out loud and giving me appropriate looks of approval.


End file.
